Posts Tagged ‘spirituality’


 

 

Surrender, a word that evokes negative thought of failure and giving up…

Surrender, a word that portrays weakness and inability to do something…

Surrender, the last thing a stubborn and persistent girl like me would have ever done in her life…

 

But today, I surrender. I surrender to the will of Life…!!! I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and I surrendered to life.  And this did not make me feel like a weakling or an incapable or ultimate loser. In fact, I feel stronger and better. Maybe surrendering isn’t such a bad thing after all…!!!

 

Many things happen in life – some good and some bad, some desirable and some undesirable…  As long as everything is alright and we are content with the course of life, we never care to stop and think. But sometimes the lightning bolt strikes. It hits hard. We fall and stumble. Sometimes we just roll and continue to fall… It leaves us despairing and wondering what went wrong. We cannot help thinking and wondering – What did I do to deserve this?  Why me? Why? Why? Why?  This becomes even more distressing and painful if one has never faced any major failure or emotional distress in life before.

 

I fell. Very hard. Face flat on the ground. It scratched my face, bled my nose, broke my skull, blinded my eyes, tore my skin, ripped my soul and shredded my heart. Everything was hazy… I could not think anymore, tears wouldn’t stop and soul would not smile how much ever I tried. Nothing seemed to be working in my favour. The ever optimistic girl had lost all meaning to her life… What is a life with unfulfilled dreams and desires…!!! I thought and cried… cried and thought. I made myself miserable enough to hate me for being so cruel to myself. I hated myself for losing my smile and happiness. I wanted my smile back… I wanted my joyous soul back. But the more I thought and despaired, the more I suffered.

 

So finally, I surrendered. I gave up. I surrendered my ego, I surrendered my obstinacy, I surrendered my dreams, I surrendered my desires and I surrendered all hope and expectations! I surrendered to the will of the Universe/Life… the ultimate power above us… I realized that I was messing up my life by trying to control everything. I had forgotten for a while that Life will take care of me. It has always taken care of me; else I would not be on this earth today. I had forgotten that I have such an amazing gift of human life. I had forgotten that every event in our lives is planned… Life has best plans for everyone. There are no accidents. Maybe this fall too was planned… but I was too blinded by sorrow to realize it. I believe that the hole created by this fall was to create an opening for brighter light and happiness to enter.

 

Surrender means to let go of everything. It cannot be done by will power. Even will (the desire to control one’s life) has to be surrendered. The ego thinks that surrendering means to give up; hence it stops you at every level. But ego is a bad thing. Listen to your heart… All it wants is happiness – Not through desires or dreams. The heart wants you to love yourself, to find contentment in your own being. No one except you can make yourself happy. As long as we depend on material or emotional desires to make ourselves happy… happiness will always run away from us.

 

Whatever is meant to stay, will stay. Whatever is meant to go, will go away… If something is meant for you, life will ensure that it comes to you. Else, it wasn’t the best thing for you. Life knows what is best for us more than we do. We just need to trust and believe in the power of the vibrating mass of energy – the Universe, the source to every living and non living form. Each one of us is as powerful as the universe, we just need to believe and universe will reflect our faith upon us. Thy will be done. Our ego may identify with fixed desires and objects by crying out – I want only this, I want only that. Bury the ego and let Universe decide what is best for you.

 

Just thank life for all abundance in your life and pray – Dear Life, I shall happily receive everything you give me and Let go all that you want to take away… Let go all expectations and miracles will happen…!!!

 

Donot resist anything and accept life as it comes… Trust that the Universe has best plans for you; failures and pains are just a part of the ultimate big plan of Life… which we are not capable of seeing at that moment. Let life unfold each mystery on its own right time than trying to control one’s life by thinking too much. Just relax and accept what is… it is the ultimate truth. As the common saying goes – Past is history, future is mystery but present is a gift, that is why it is called present. So, cherish it and live it… donot grieve it…!!!

 

I have surrendered and I am grateful for everything I have today…  Life is indeed very beautiful to be wasted in mourning.

 

 


 

 

Dear Love,

I was miserable when you cast me away. I cried till no tears were left to shed. I wept till my soul died of sorrow. Now I do not feel anything and I do not cry anymore. You behaved mean and rude, to hurt me more. You thought someday my ego will start hating you… But what you did not know was that ego and love can never co- exist in a human.

I grieved your loss like the death of a loved one. Then I decided to move on. Everyone appreciated my decision. They thought I should get married – for they believed it to be a cure for a shredded heart. A well-bred guy proposed me marriage. His family liked mine and my family liked his. It was a marriage of two families – not of two souls.

My husband loves me but I do not. He says that I am beautiful. But, how does it matter? I never wanted anyone else save you to call me so. I do not care how I look anymore! I pity him and I pity myself. But again, why feel sorry? I let him love me, to touch me, to kiss me. I let him have sex with me. I cook for him sometimes. He becomes happy and profusely praises my culinary skills. He thinks that I love him. I let him be happy with illusions… In return he provides me with food, clothes and a comfortable shelter. And he does so with pleasure. He has provided me with a family that loves me to death. So, it isn’t such a bad bargain. Is it?

You had mocked me once and called me a chatterbox. Now, I like to remain silent. It keeps me sane. They think I am a shy girl who hates to speak. They like it when I smile, sometimes. They become happy when I smile. It kills me on the inside.

You remember I had said I never wanted to have babies. I meant it. But, he wants children, his parents long for grandchildren. They take care of me… they take care of my expenses… they give me love… they are compassionate and treat me well. I think I owe them a human life. But I do not want to be a mother. I hope to die of childbirth. This way everyone’s desires will be fulfilled. They will have a baby and I will never be a living mother.

I do not hate babies. In fact, I love them very much. But I fear to bring a child into this complicated world. Had it been you I would have willingly borne your child. In fact, I would have begged you to give me more. I know you will be a good father. A father, who shall nurture his child with tender love and let the child grow into an independent soul. A father, who shall never underestimate his child and treat him as an equal. A father, who shall never teach his child how to live. A father, who shall not tell my child – what is right and what is wrong but let him develop his own sense of morality and humanity. A father, who shall never force his desires on the little soul. A father, who shall let his children make mistakes, let them suffer and learn from their own experiences. I know you would have let our child to become what he wished to be – a dancer, a painter, a singer, a vagabond, a cook, an artist, a philosopher, a homosexual, an asexual, a bisexual, a farmer, a shopkeeper, a slacker or at the best a nobody. I know that you shall be a father who shall not compare his child to anyone in this world and let him grow freely… like a rose bud, who spreads nothing save peace and love. I would have loved to watch them grow… With you around I would have had no fear to bring your babies to this earth.

I have a life growing inside me… As days advance I fear the thought of letting my child into the gallows of this ruthless world.

If only you were his father!!!

With Love
A deserted love…

 

 

Caution to Readers– The negative elements of this letter are not at all encouraged to be accepted in real life – like despairing in failures and forgetting/sacrificing your own inner-self for the sake of unrequited love. This letter’s prime motive is to realize the importance of letting little souls blossom freely… free of expectations, comparisons and manipulations.