A Love Letter

Posted: September 3, 2012 in Philosophy, Soul Searching
Tags: , , , , , ,

 

 

Dear Love,

I was miserable when you cast me away. I cried till no tears were left to shed. I wept till my soul died of sorrow. Now I do not feel anything and I do not cry anymore. You behaved mean and rude, to hurt me more. You thought someday my ego will start hating you… But what you did not know was that ego and love can never co- exist in a human.

I grieved your loss like the death of a loved one. Then I decided to move on. Everyone appreciated my decision. They thought I should get married – for they believed it to be a cure for a shredded heart. A well-bred guy proposed me marriage. His family liked mine and my family liked his. It was a marriage of two families – not of two souls.

My husband loves me but I do not. He says that I am beautiful. But, how does it matter? I never wanted anyone else save you to call me so. I do not care how I look anymore! I pity him and I pity myself. But again, why feel sorry? I let him love me, to touch me, to kiss me. I let him have sex with me. I cook for him sometimes. He becomes happy and profusely praises my culinary skills. He thinks that I love him. I let him be happy with illusions… In return he provides me with food, clothes and a comfortable shelter. And he does so with pleasure. He has provided me with a family that loves me to death. So, it isn’t such a bad bargain. Is it?

You had mocked me once and called me a chatterbox. Now, I like to remain silent. It keeps me sane. They think I am a shy girl who hates to speak. They like it when I smile, sometimes. They become happy when I smile. It kills me on the inside.

You remember I had said I never wanted to have babies. I meant it. But, he wants children, his parents long for grandchildren. They take care of me… they take care of my expenses… they give me love… they are compassionate and treat me well. I think I owe them a human life. But I do not want to be a mother. I hope to die of childbirth. This way everyone’s desires will be fulfilled. They will have a baby and I will never be a living mother.

I do not hate babies. In fact, I love them very much. But I fear to bring a child into this complicated world. Had it been you I would have willingly borne your child. In fact, I would have begged you to give me more. I know you will be a good father. A father, who shall nurture his child with tender love and let the child grow into an independent soul. A father, who shall never underestimate his child and treat him as an equal. A father, who shall never teach his child how to live. A father, who shall not tell my child – what is right and what is wrong but let him develop his own sense of morality and humanity. A father, who shall never force his desires on the little soul. A father, who shall let his children make mistakes, let them suffer and learn from their own experiences. I know you would have let our child to become what he wished to be – a dancer, a painter, a singer, a vagabond, a cook, an artist, a philosopher, a homosexual, an asexual, a bisexual, a farmer, a shopkeeper, a slacker or at the best a nobody. I know that you shall be a father who shall not compare his child to anyone in this world and let him grow freely… like a rose bud, who spreads nothing save peace and love. I would have loved to watch them grow… With you around I would have had no fear to bring your babies to this earth.

I have a life growing inside me… As days advance I fear the thought of letting my child into the gallows of this ruthless world.

If only you were his father!!!

With Love
A deserted love…

 

 

Caution to Readers– The negative elements of this letter are not at all encouraged to be accepted in real life – like despairing in failures and forgetting/sacrificing your own inner-self for the sake of unrequited love. This letter’s prime motive is to realize the importance of letting little souls blossom freely… free of expectations, comparisons and manipulations.

 

 

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Comments
  1. You Know Nisha, i have just started blogging a month back and trying to read the entire posts of my fellow bloggers, but you are the one that tended me to read an entire post with lots of interest. at the end of this post, i was thinking ki Kaash ye letter aur lamba hota! these were the exact words that came out as i saw the end, you are really a gifted writer Nisha, but i would suggest you to not have any dreams related to writing, i mean writing an entire novel at this stage or something that evolves as the money making project aur Fame. You are gem and you will be an International Star one day.

  2. njs says:

    I am glad you liked it…. My humble attempts at writing.
    Its so nice of you to encourage me with such profusely positive comments.

  3. Varsha Rajan says:

    Well scripted.. a letter that carries the burden and pain of a wonderful past …

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